The elitism of Obama

From the American Heritage Dictionary: Elitism is the belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources. There are those who are rightfully elitist, such as the proper rich of this country, and there are those who are wrongfully elitist, like Barack Obama.

Lady Lynn

One of the properly elite in this country, Lady Lynn Forrester de Rothschild, agrees. After the sad failure of Clinton to win the Democratic election, she’s decided to support McCain. She feels that Obama is an elitist, and more importantly, that he is the wrong type of elitist. One of the biggest problems I’ve had with Obama is his elitism. He feels that just because large numbers of people emphatically support him and his policies, that somehow he deserves to rule this great country.

He apparently fails to realize that simply having gone to Yale does not make him properly elite. Unlike McCain’s family history of generals and admirals, multiple houses, and a proper American elite upbringing, Obama is simply not part of the true elite in this country. He was and is poor. Yet, as everyone knows, Obama is a complete elitist.

Obama doesn’t own more than one house. He doesn’t even own a single yacht or private jet! How primitive can you really be? How can he get around in states like Arkansas without a private jet?

Most damning of all is that Obama is not part of any country club that I am aware of (or that my servants could dig up). He couldn’t even get into the plebian clubs in Chicago and Detroit? Seriously. If he cannot even earn the easily gained respect of the country clubs, he will most definitely fail miserably on the world stage with other leaders.

Yet, he deems himself capable of ruling over the US? Hah!

He’s an elitist in the worst sense of the word. He’s an elitist who doesn’t even realize that he himself is a plebian.

The privilege to earn an education

So school starts today, not that I really notice much change short of the servants’ children not being underfoot all the time. My children themselves left over a week ago in the family jet, off to Phillips Exeter to become productive, educated members of society. Phillips Exeter is one of the last few places left in this country where a family can properly train their children for the world, along with Andover and maybe even St. Paul’s. Luckily, it’s not one of these socialist dystopian disasters that are our public schools.

Private schools are essential to ensure that the next generation of elite are properly trained. Public schools simply exist as a waste of time. They are simply evil dens of drugs, sex, and alcohol, unlike my children’s properly vetted school. However, for some reason, my millions in tax dollars go to spoil these impoverished little brats by giving them a place to party for 6 hours every day, not ever learning how the world actually works.

The public school system produces nothing but mere government-assistance-dependent failures. My shoe shine boy was being overly conversive last night and told me that he’s excited about his son. Apparently he’s earning high marks in this public school system. I laughed and politely informed him that those marks are meaningless, as the public school system neither teaches nor exerts influence. I said that if he actually cares about his son, he should use his earnings more productively and send him to a private school. However, afterwards i realized that what I said wasn’t entirely fair, it’s probably likely after eight years of toil, even working for me and my most generous of salaries (why, I hear his family even manages a full meal every single day of the week) he could never afford any among those academies of worth.

I’ll have to give his family the best among Christmas sausages.

You see, if the parents are not willing to pay for a proper education, then their children should be forced to work for their own education. They can staff the night shift at any of my factories or businesses (in most states). Sure, they’ll miss the first few grades of a private school, but those are only macaroni pictures and Holiday pageants anyways. If the children step it up where their plebian parents have failed, perhaps they can stop this socialist cycle of dependency on the government.

I’ve heard about school vouchers, but that’s obviously just another scam to get these ungrateful plebs into our proper elite schools on my tax dollar.

Oh well, I guess at least the public school keeps many plebs off the streets. Albeit, there’s probably easier ways to accomplish the same.

I guess I’ll enjoy a magnum of Cristal tonight to celebrate the start of the school year. If I remember right, that’s what all the kids who are into this “hip-hop” music are drinking.  Besides, I’ve dealt with my miserable children for three whole weeks since their return from their summer camp on the coast of Maine.  Surely this is cause for libations.

Worried about Gustav

I went through the hurricane readiness briefing with my servants this morning. They discussed what possible flooding could happen in New Orleans and surrounding areas, and how badly my oil refineries and rigs in the Gulf may be damaged. On the positive side, short of completely flooding some old residential areas of New Orleans, there won’t be too much damage to anything that really matters. According to my security staff, all of my oil rigs, businesses, warehouses and factories are locked down far better than last time. There should be absolutely no looting or water damage.

Regardless of all of my preparations, I am still worried. After FEMA’s myriad failures in 2005, I don’t know if I can trust my old buddy Bush and his boys anymore. I mean, Brownie did a pretty good job protecting our factories and businesses, but as time progressed and Chertoff took over, they completely dropped the ball. They suddenly became more concerned with providing housing, water and food rather than protecting the important stuff, my factories and warehouses.

I mean, why do I pay so much in taxes if I’m not going to get any help from them in my time of need? It took us almost six months to get everything operational again. That was six months of lost revenue that could have been mine had FEMA done their job and sandbagged/guarded our facilities, instead of sitting around at the Superdome, having a big BBQ on my tax dollar.

According to my briefing though, everything I own is in good shape and safe this time. According to my morning news summary: McCain and his trophy VP are heading down to check things out. I am far more relaxed about Hurricane Gustav. With McCain down there keeping an eye on things, I know that the disaster relief resources will be properly targeted towards what’s important — my factories, warehouses and businesses.

I will have my Evan Williams on the rocks on this warm August day, and celebrate a toast to the proper protection of the national resources that truly matter.

McCain scores a trophy VP!

So after the anti-wealthy lovefest that was the Democratic convention, I woke up on Friday late in the morning and was pleasantly surprised by the news: John McCain had announced his VP selection. Initially, I was hoping for someone who could represent the wealthy as well as Dick Cheney did. However, John McCain’s choice demonstrated that he truly understands the plight of the wealthy male.

He does the thing every wealthy man must do at least two or three times in their lives: he chose a young and inexperienced but sexy trophy wife VP. Honestly, I don’t know how he does it. First, the wife who he ditched while she was dying in the hospital, and then, Cindy McCain, a woman who truly understands the plight of the wealthy, and now Sarah Palin. This man knows how to choose his women. She’s sexy, covered in deep with oil, and completely unqualified for the job. This is clearly the perfect female to hire for an executive job when you need a woman, but don’t want her to be too much of a hassle.

Now, the democrats are claiming that because she’s inexperienced, she’s a dangerous choice for VP. This further demonstrates to me the lack of understanding the democrats have for the wealthy. To me, the best part about his choice is that she is completely inexperienced. Why? Well, when I have a company in those states with affirmative action laws, and I must hire women to do a man’s job, I learned the best way to deal with it is to get good eye candy without lots of “experience”.

Why? Well, when they don’t have much experience, they will just sit in the corner and act pretty. If they have a lot of experience, they try to do things and we wealthy elite know what happens when women try to do important things. On the plus side, she’s a virulent religious social conservative, which will play well to the voters the Republicans need to continue a proper and moral agenda for the wealthy and elite. Ever since Reagan, they’ve been the gift that just keeps on giving.

Ah, for once I’ll be able to enjoy my evening Chateau Latour properly. Perhaps I should let my chef know i would like some good Alaskan king crab in celebration as well.

Cheers to you McCain, you completely understand the our plight.

How will they ever understand our plight?

I’ve been asked why I write this blog by some random plebs on this here “internet.” The short answer is that I wish to add some balance to the communist dystopias that seem to form these internets. Everywhere I look, from the New York Times website to the MSNBC website, all I see is class warfare and propaganda about the poor. Nowhere is the plight of the rich and elite actually documented and explained. If no one writes about it, how will the poor understand our suffering?

Unfortunately, due to the incompetence of one of my servants from yesterday — a servant who was duly and promptly sacked — I was unable to put an entry on this blog-maker thing. Thus, the web fell out of balance once again with the elite being left in the gutter of these tubes. Now what did he do, exactly? Well, in the process of cleaning my office, this plebian decided that my highly prepared notes for the entry should be thrown out because they just happened to fall into the wastebasket by mistake. He should have been smart enough to realize that everything within the wastebasket needs to be properly vetted before being disposed of when such is the case, and never to be touched at any other time.  How dare they think to rifle through my documents?!

I am certain he did this on purpose out of some class warfare vendetta against us elite, and our desire to get out the message of our plight. Well, not anymore. I told that socialist to pack his bags and get out and I’m certain he will never work again in this state. Especially after I gave a call to the INS.

I see this blog as the one last bastion of truth about the plight of the rich. Even McCain and the Republicans have forgotten how difficult the lives of the rich and privileged are. How much suffering we go through at the hands of the ungrateful plebs in order to grant the luxuries that the people of this great country receive.

Big speech tonight from Obama, I am going to probably need an extra bottle of cognac to even sit through that one.

No one respects the rich anymore

Image via Wikipedia

There are days that I wonder how much life has improved since Ancient Roman times. Back then, the elite and the wealthy were given the respect they deserved. They would enjoy large full meals with any meat they wanted (endangered rhino anyone?), quality chalets, and the servants were wise and diligent enough to ensure that their favorite cigars were always stocked. What has happened to the help since then? The older breeds were of so much higher quality than the modern batch who barely know the difference between a tin of Royal Beluga Caspian Caviar and a tin of Almas caviar.

Regardless of my respect for the Roman way of life, I should probably explain where all of this wistfulness for that glorious past comes from. Going through my servant’s daily summary of the news, I saw this story about a great statue of Marcus Aurelius being unearthed. Now, there is proper respect for the wealthy who do all of the work and have to suffer through the many egregious failings of the peasantry. All of those people who bathed in that complex were not just able to bathe in nice warm clean water, but also bathe in the knowing glance of those through whose generosity there is water for them to bathe in.

Now, would any of my servants ever make a statue of me, other than the one I commissioned for my private garden? No. They simply have no respect for the wealthy. All they care about is their petty problems and whether they can afford the mortgage payments for the month. Don’t they know how much I go through to ensure they get the bountiful wealth they do have?

Maybe I need to commission another statue of myself, this time for my private bath. Perhaps by seeing it every time they clean the bathtub, they will learn proper honour for we elite, and endeavour to make more statues on their own.

Smoking what the plebs smoke

I should have seen it coming, but my servants disappointed me yet again today. I ran out of my most favored of cigars just as I was about to celebrate the forceful acquisition of another multinational (where we plan to terminate many, many redundancies, partition divisions into impotent segments, and sell the lot to the highest sucker bidder). Now, you’d think my servants would be thoughtful enough to obtain a few more boxes when they noticed I was down to my last 5 cigars, but no, they didn’t. So, thus my story of plebdom begins.

I was forced to smoke one of the cigars I give to the people I don’t care about, these “Centaurians.” My cigar connoisseur, Fernando, claims these are decent cigars, and all of my guests seem to enjoy them enough. Personally, I don’t see why. They taste okay, I suppose, and yet they feel inadequate to me. How can anyone smoke these in celebration? They are almost as cheap as cigarettes; according to Fernando they are around $20 per stogie.

Ugh, I feel dirty. How can I be seen smoking these things? Next thing you know I’ll be inhaling those green “KOOLs” (or whatever they are called) with the cleaning staff.

I’m going to have to seriously reprimand someone for this egregious failure. It is unbelievable, these sufferances we the elite must go through at the hands of the poor.

I’ll need some fine scotch to deal with today.

Poor people have no taste

I read over my servants’ overview of the news this morning and apparently they thought I’d be interested in this tripe. Apparently, these impoverished Koreans cannot comprehend the concept of savoring their food. Who wants food that makes you feel full while eating less? Why don’t they just eat dirt and mud?

Food is meant to be enjoyed, and the more of it that is enjoyed the better. I feel that it would be a far wiser investment to develop the most delectable noodles that don’t fill you up in the least. All these cretins are going to do is end up throwing away most of their dinners, having gotten full on the first course. How will you enjoy the other six? It just doesn’t make any sense at all.

It is surely a sickness of the brain that would lead one to believe getting full on less food to be a good idea. Unless, of course, you are a woman, in which case you just order the lobster and have a few bites of it to taste. Perhaps this is who these noodles are marketed at.  It could be a new diet food for women so they don’t feel like eating as much.  Come to think of it, this could easily be the Atkins-like revolution for this decade, and my fortunes could so greatly expand. I could even get that new yacht I’ve been wanting. What would it be this time, the eighth or ninth, I think? I’ll have to check with my people.

It’s brilliant. I need to get this stuff to my daughters right away. Perhaps then they’ll finally be able to attract a handsome and wealthy young gentleman to take care of this patriarch in his old age.

The Democrats play to the plebs

Did anyone else see this last night on the news? Barack Obama chose his running mate, and who is the lucky winner?

He chooses one of the poorest senators in the United States! The Democrats nominate Barack Obama against the properly rich and wealthy Bill Hillary Clinton, who would’ve gone to Washington to fight for us. Now, there was a man who understood the plight of the wealthy. It’s frightening: after twenty-eight years of proper leadership in Washington, are we left with this? Obama and Biden. The two poorest senators in the richest country in the world.

*sigh* I am going to have to open an extra magnum of Dom tonight to deal with this great disappointment. He could have chosen someone to make up the wealth deficit on his ticket, like Cindy McCain, Larry Page, or hell, even Teresa Heinz-Kerry would have been acceptable. Seriously? Biden?

Tomorrow, we should all be wise enough to open new offshore accounts, preferably in Liechtenstein or Switzerland.

Poor people suck, don’t they?

My god, what is going on with these uppity poor people these days?! They want healthcare without even working to pay for it, and now they even believe that we should know exactly how many houses we own at any point in time? We the elite, who run the world which is rightfully ours, have far too much to worry about without the hassle of remembering whether we have seven or thirteen houses, or whether we’ll have fois gras or Kobe beef for dinner.

This is what we have personal staff for! McCain has done something we now know we should never do when questioned by poor people: answer a question honestly.

McCain was wrongfully ambushed by the Liberal Media and now the masses are turning against him.

This is class warfare against our ilk, and completely unfair.

This is especially true considering how uppity that Obama fellow has been.  Hell, he makes less than 5 million a year, and doesn’t even own one yacht!  How could he ever understand our plight?