Who throws such a cheap shoe?

The question of the day after Bush was almost beaned by such a cheap and dirty shoe in Iraq is: Who throws a shoe? Seriously. And such a cheap shoe at that! It’s funny how poor people obsess over their shoes and throwing them at people and into machines. It would make sense if the shoes were actually worth something, but as a sign of protest, it’s meaningless when it’s just a cheap piece of leather.

Look at that cheap piece of leather!

When I was young, my great-grandfather told me about how those dirty communists used to throw their shoes (or “sabots”) into his machinery at his factory. It was frustrating because after he implemented a strategy that saved millions of dollars by replacing plebian workers with machines, the plebs took it out on the poor machinery by throwing shoes into them. Sometimes the machine would be fine, other times it would break down and it would take months to get the factory going again.

The respected elite elders tried hard to make machine destruction punishable by death.  Such useful wealth was destroyed for silly plebian reasons, but sadly we live in a democracy, and the representatives whose very pockets we lined believed that it would be hard to sell such sentencing to the electorate. Well, that and the dirty commies were taking over both in Britain and America. Eventually, people realized the wisdom of letting the elite use machines rather than plebians to build things, but it took a century or so first.

Now, I can understand throwing a shoe at someone — I do it regularly when my servants fail to do what I tell them, more often than I would prefer. Yet, when I throw a shoe at them, I throw something like this, something worth much more than they:

Now, this is a throwing shoe!

If you are going to do it, you need to do it with class. I would die of embarrassment throwing a dirty old piece of leather at someone as an insult.

You may as well poop into your hand and throw that at them; at least it will stick better.